I WILL NEVER GET MARRIED!

I WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

You most probably have heard someone say that. It may also be that the one you heard say that was you.
It is a classic case of betrayal in a relationship either yours or that of a close friend or relative.

God is a marvelous creator. Think about the complexity of creation. If you are familiar with tiles you will recall that the pattern is never complete on a single tile.  It normally takes two or more tiles to complete the pattern .
Now think of that beautiful tile arrangement you saw and imagine someone telling you that the tiles fell from up and arranged themselves that way. It can never be! Yet that is the folly that people engage in to believe in tales such as the big bang theory. That in one big explosion millions of cells arranged themselves into several organ systems working together harmoniously and dependent on each other to make living things. That the human DNA organised itself as we know it.
Anyway,  the point is that God created everything perfectly. Imagine if God denied you nerves for example. You could never know when you step in the fire. You could only be smelling something roasting only to discover it is your own body. God made this as a warning system.
But think about how this warning system records things in your mind.
Here are a few examples. Sharp blades cut, never touch them! Hot metal burns, never touch it! Fire is hot, never touch it! Hot water scalds, never dip a hand in it! Naked live cables electrocute, never touch them!
Subconsciously, our minds record almost every painful experience with the word "never! " It is no wonder, therefore; that after a heartbreak your mind searches the memory and is tempted to record it as a "never-again" experience.

I remember when I first took a watermelon. Someone had kept on insisting to me how sweet melons are and one day curiosity got the better of me. I was not used to water melons and the closest thing I had seen to a water melon was a pawpaw. If you are witty you can guess what I will say next. So when I received my slice of the melon, I proceeded as I normally would with a pawpaw. I removed the part with seeds nicely and was left with the rest of it. You can guess what my mind registered on that day as the taste of water melons. As it turned out, I didn't understand what the fuss was with everyone saying that melons are sweet. To me it was one very big lie. With utter resignation and disgust, I made my decision concerning melons. "Melons are disgusting, never again eat them in your life!" and with that I rested my case.
It was years later that someone taught me how to eat melons and from that day until tomorrow I am a lover of melons.

Now you are starting to see why people utter those painfully regrettable words when they are heartbroken. Over the years, their minds have been conditioned to associate pain with "never"

Two mistakes, though, that we make when we say in a heartbreak, "I will never get married. "
1. We categorise all men/women as "same"
2. We rarely ask ourselves what we did wrong and when we do we are hardly objective.

Analysing these two errors with my melon example,  all melons are the same.  That is, they are sweet, but to me "same" meant disgusting. Of course that statement only holds if all dynamics of eating melons are observed. These include age of the melon at harvesting and time it has been stored after harvesting, climate in which in was grown and conditions of growth just to enumerate a few.
Secondly I never stopped ask myself what culinary dynamics of melons I had violated in order to get disgust where others get delicacy.
Of course point two calls for some interpolation since it is not necessarily that you did something wrong to experience the pain of a broken relationship.
For instance, you could have grown up in a family where marriage did not work out. While it is obvious that it was none of your faults, the painful truth is that you still experienced the pain and  it most likely registered in you as a "no-go zone".

God designed emotional pain, like all other pains, to serve as a warning. The aim is to remind you before you engage emotionally that there are dynamics which must never be violated. It was never so that you can resign from emotional engagement.
The mastery of pain is worldwide celebrated as heroism. No one ever succeeded without mastering the pain of his endeavour. Ask the athletes who beat the morning jog in foggy climates or the soccer and football players or the boxers, or the actors who bear demanding directors and the pain of repeating over and over again the same thing.  Ask the musician you celebrate what pain he has gone through. Ask the successful businessman and he will tell you there is no success without the pain of loss. Pain teaches us to obey the dynamics of every engagement and when we master it,  success comes knocking.
Perhaps if you sit down to be taught how to eat the fruit of relationships and marriage, you will correct the error you made concerning marriage.
Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary situation. Just because you met one wrong guy/girl,  don't deny yourself the chance of meeting the right one.
It could be that you ate the wrong melon or ate the right one at the wrong time or in the wrong manner.
Worse still, maybe you had the right melon grown in the right conditions and harvested at the right time but you didn't know how to eat it and so ended up eating the wrong part.
Maybe you threw away the virtues of the melon and ate the vices.
When we disregard virtues such as godliness, hard working nature, patience, humility, character and so on and we go for beauty and money and so on,  we are violating the dynamics.
We all have heard of people dying on the operation table in the theatre. When it is (and I pray it will never be) your turn to be on the same table, you don't chose to die without the attempt simply because it didn't work out for others.
It is quite amazing that it takes a second operation to correct the errors of the first failed operation. And it will take the second (or 20th) relationship to correct the mistakes of the former (even when sometimes you have to engage the same surgeon).
Buildings collapse everywhere due to violation of architectural dynamics but people are still building more and more people are renting and buying them.
Will you allow fear to Rob you of possible happiness or will you try faith?

As Mark Gungor says, Marriage is the closest thing to heaven on earth, when the dynamics are obeyed, and the reverse is true.
On a lighter note,  I suppose that the greatest tragedy would be to mistake a pumpkin for a melon and eat it like a melon.
Well you ask, "what are the dynamics?" While I have never been married, I have observed the pains and successes of marriages around me and learnt some of the dynamics from them.
But that is a lesson of another day.